Monday, January 09, 2006

toy review 

OK, this again is one of those posts that maybe my "real life" friends might want to skip over, to avoid that "searing image in the back of the brain" thing we talked about. Also this post contains pictures that are NSFW...so read at your own risk.

are you gone? good.

So last friday, Kev and I decided to go out for dinner. Alas, a pre-christmas eating-out splurge depleted us of our savy shopper coupons. YES WE USE COUPONS! Luckily, Kev remembered a place we had been to a few months ago that had a STACK of extra savy shoppers laying around. That place happened to be an adult store catering to women. You know, where we bought the riding crop :)

But we couldn't just WALK IN and grap the coupon book without BUYING anything, right? The main part of the store is clothing based - sexy lingerie, lots of leather and feathers, funky super-heeled shoes, etc. But there is a small back room that has the fun toys. You know, the "for novelty use only" stuff. Riiiiiight.

That's where I spotted this:

a new toy!

a jackrabbit style vibrator! I've never had one, and it always seems to be THE MUST HAVE TOY for all women. So I had some money I got for christmas (thanks, grandma!) and a coupon for 15% off (the savy shopper again. YES! COUPONS FOR SEX TOYS!), so I plunked down the $40 and off we went with our new toy!

amusing aside: the woman who rung up the toy informed me that this was a very good jackrabbit toy for "beginners." Apparently, only EXPERIENCED jackrabbit users should utilize the purple colored ones with the plasta-chromed bottom that cost $10 more. Remember that, folks. Stick to sex toys APPROPRIATE for your skill level.

First we went to our favorite noodle place for thai food. Mmmmmm...spicey!

When we got home, it was time to play! First, let's read the warning label.

warning label

So noted! No skin eruptions here! I skipped the part about consulting a physician. Somehow I think Dr. M could go without the knowledge. He'd probably approve anyway. And I didn't need a prescription to buy it, right? Notice again the warning in all caps" SOLD AS A NOVELTY ONLY. Yep, a novelty. I'll just set it right here on my coffee table and use it as a conversation starter....


Now that we're properly aware of the risks of using the "top-tough" (hehehehehe), let's see what it looks like.

in all it's glory

It's cordless, with the somewhat confusing controls on the bottom there. There's a button to start the little rabbit vibrating, there's a button for "low" and "high" vibration, there's a button to turn on the pearled section rotation, and there's a button that controls the DIRECTION of rotation.

This might be too much to figure out blindly, using it by yourself. I recommend getting a partner. Fortunately, I have one handy, who was MORE than willing to assist me. Eager, even, despite his moaning: "I have been replaaaaaced!"

After a liberal application of lube, we began the experimentation. SHIT lube is cold right out of the tube! Someone should make a little lube-warmer device. Like a crock pot for astro-glide.

Anyway, initially, it seemed everything was hitting the right spots. The rabbit was RIGHT THERE, vibrating away, and the rotating pearls were rotating their little hearts out. But after a while, I noticed that the pointy ears of the rabbit were really kind of digging in my skin. I had Kev shift it down a bit...but then the motor controlling the rotation really started making an awful grinding noise. Eventually, I had to move my finger underneath the ears to keep them from digging into me.

The rotation motor doesn't seem all that powerful, either. Any kind of muscle contraction down there really bogs it down. Is it weird to demand more horsepower in a sex toy? I suppose the more expensive models (you know, the ones for MORE EXPERIENCED users) might have more power in them.

The problem with the rabbit's ears should be easily fixed by snipping off the tips. Overall, though, I was a little disappointed in the faux-jackrabbit's performance. The way people talk these things up, I was expecting an orgasm to hit me THE SECOND I REMOVED IT FROM THE BOX...but alas, it was not so. It really took some manuevering to find a comfortable position, and the motor just doesn't seem equipped to handle much resistance.

Overall, I'd give it a B-. Maybe after a few times using it, I'll become more comfortable with it and more relaxed, in which case I might up its grade a bit. And it's entirely possible that this particular model isn't all that a jackrabbit can be. Maybe one day I can aspire to the MORE EXPERIENCED model.

I'm interested to know if any of you have used a similar toy, and what your experience was with it. Please let me know in comments - you can be anonymous if you're embarassed ;)