Monday, July 11, 2005

fun with my family 

or "why I am insane"

it's been building since I got there...I could feel that she wanted to say something, but was holding back, waiting for the right time.

It was at the grocery store, to pick up a cake for my grandmother's birthday. i made some offhand comment about a restaurant kev and I have been to (or something like that)

And that was the trigger.

mom: You know, you really really need to start watching. you and Kevin have BOTH gained weight. you KNOW this family has a history of heart disease and diabetes. You need to start eating better and taking care of yourself. blah blah blah, you're fat, blah blah blah you need to lose weight.

me: I know.....I know....yeah....I KNOW....yes....I'm trying....I....yeah....

five minutes later

mom: do you think one cake will be enough? maybe we should get something else. this cake has almond flavoring. can you have almond flavoring?

me: yes, it doesn't bother me for some reason.

mom: well, just in case...here's a raspberry cheesecake. do you think that will be enough? your grandmother likes ice cream. we should get some ice cream.

another five minutes

mom: we need some more lunch meat. do you want lunch meat for lunches?

me: we're only going to be here another day, mom.

mom: hmmm....OK, we need some more salami. How about ham? you want some ham? and roast beef. kevin liked the roast beef.

me: one day! one day, mom!

mom: Ok, we'll only get a half pound of the roast beef, then. and a pound of the ham. and salami.

(note: she also got fat free, low sodium swiss cheese. wtf?)

five minutes

mom: so we'll get the butter pecan, because that's your grandmother's favorite. i've already got chocolate at home...and...we'll get the caramel swirl. is that going to be enough?

me: there's only going to be 8 of us, mom.

mom: so that will work.

me: (silently debating whether to laugh or cry)