Friday, November 05, 2004

Stooopid brain freak outs 

WARNING: extremely girl-stuff related post. Guys may want to skip this and check out footballs scores, or something.

So for about two weeks now, there's been something...not quite right "down there". Let's call it "inappropriate blood, at the inappropriate time." For two weeks!

Recently, I changed my pill schedule, such that for two months, I skip the placebo week and just start the new pack, and then on the third month, take the placebo week. This means the angry red demon only visits four times a year, which is just fiiiiine with me.

The first round of this pattern went swimmingly. But now that I'm just starting month two of this second round...ugh. What the hell?

Now I KNEW that it was just what they call "break through." I knew it. Well, I was pretty sure. And I kept hoping that it would stop. But it wasn't. Ignoring it was not helping. So I scheduled an appointment at the clinic.

I made the appointment, officially acknowledging that yes, there might be something wrong. So instead of feeling relief that soon I will know what is going on, my brain felt free to speculate on the worst.

Even though I knew that it was just break through (cancer), since I didn't have ANY other symptoms (cancer), and there was no pain or anything (cancer), still my brain just would not shut up. What if it was something worse (cancer)? What if there were cysts (cancer) or some weirdo infection (cancer) or something else (cancer)? What if I had to get surgery (cancer)?

Gah! (cancer) SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP!!!!

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I FREAK MYSELF OUT over what I KNOW is going to be nothing?


I had the appointment this morning, and yes...everything is FINE. It's break through, which I KNEW already, not anything worse (cancer). If it doesn't stop, I can just switch to a dose of birth control that has more estrogen (I'm on a pretty low dose right now.) Which might also help me with this annoying little colony of zits that has taken residence on my chin. Argh. I'm almost 28!!! Why am I getting all zitty?

The NP assured me that I did the right thing by coming in, that these things should always be checked out. My brain has shut up for the time being. Stoopid brain. Freaking out over NOTHING!