random, disjointed ranting 

I'm not really speaking to Her right now. Fortunately, there's enough angry ranting stuff in Her book to cover me. Did you know you can be angry and pissed at Her, and call her out on shit, and She's OK with that? I think that was the most comforting thing to me, after the death of my brother, and after 9/11. That's it's OK to say "you screwed up God, and I'm really hating you for that right now." The atheists among you will probably make fun of me. And believe me when I tell you, I am struggling right now. I have been in "crisis of faith" mode for many years now.

(Psalm 13) How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? 3 Consider and answer me, O LORD my God! Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death, 4 and my enemy will say, "I have prevailed"; my foes will rejoice because I am shaken. 5 But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. 6 I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

(Psalm 120) In my distress I cry to the LORD, that he may answer me: 2 "Deliver me, O LORD, from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue." 3 What shall be given to you? And what more shall be done to you, you deceitful tongue? 4 A warrior's sharp arrows, with glowing coals of the broom tree! 5 Woe is me, that I am an alien in Meshech, that I must live among the tents of Kedar. 6 Too long have I had my dwelling among those who hate peace. 7 I am for peace; but when I speak, they are for war.

I would like to formally reject the ultra-conservative religious right from Christian-dom. They are false prophets, who give us peace-makers bad names. I am ashamed and afraid that I will be lumped in with them. I apologize for not doing enough to publically denounce them. I and others like me need to take a more active roll in calling them out for who they are, and what they stand for.

I think Gooch put it best in his comment to my last post. What we witnessed yesterday was NOT an election. It was a football game. During a football game, you don't concern yourself with the individuals on the team, what's important is that your team WIN. Most people voted for their team yesterday because they couldn't be bothered to learn about the statistics. Statistics make their brains hurt. What was important was the team winning.

I got even angrier this morning when I saw an interview with ex NY major Rudy J, and the interviewer asked him what Bush needs to do to bring our nation back together, since so many people voted against him. And Rudy made up some BS about healing, and blah blah blah. But the truth is: not a Goddamnned thing. Bush doesn't have to do a thing. He could give 2 shits about how 49% of the country feels right now - he never has to worry about winning another election. He can take us deeper into war, and appoint conservative judges, and give more tax cuts to the rich with impunity. And he's got a more Republican congress and senate that will happily eat his shit.

In shallower news, my highlights look fabulous. I have to take comfort from where I can.

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