Thursday, June 03, 2004
Lonely thursday night worrying...
K is at MS's bachelor party tonight. He's pissed it's on a thursday night - stupid night for a bachelor party.
So I'm on my own. Lying on the couch and VEEEERRRY relaxed, compliments of gorillalinks.com and a few of my fingers...a lonley girl has to keep herself entertained somehow, doesn't she? :)
I'll stop there, lest this becomes one of those infamous sex blogs (of which there seem to be many).
Busy weekend ahead. E and M's rehearsal and dinner tomorrow, then the big event on saturday. Then we all get a few months off before the baby showers begin in earnest. Damn my super-fertile friends! Think I'll double my dosage of the pill...
K just called - he many not even make it home tonight. I'd rather him crash at a friends then drive home drunk. Especially since they're up at BFE Kennessaw. I worry, though. Worry worry worry. That small voice of paranoia that lives deep inside me that bubbles up whenever someone I care about is in an unknown situation.
I know where it comes from. As far as I've come in recovery after the death of my brother, effects linger, and always will. That voice that whispers "it happened once, it can happen again" has been especially active since meeting K. The one black mark on the absolute joy of our relationship is that crippling fear that I will lose him tragically, in an accident or an illness - like my brother. I've become quite good at pushing those thoughts and feelings deep down and suppressing those fears. Until, of course, K goes drinking with the guys (most of whom I trust, one who I don't) in BFE, then calls and says he might not be home tonight...
Worry worry worry.
// ranted by evilsciencechick @ 6/03/2004 09:37:00 PM
So I'm on my own. Lying on the couch and VEEEERRRY relaxed, compliments of gorillalinks.com and a few of my fingers...a lonley girl has to keep herself entertained somehow, doesn't she? :)
I'll stop there, lest this becomes one of those infamous sex blogs (of which there seem to be many).
Busy weekend ahead. E and M's rehearsal and dinner tomorrow, then the big event on saturday. Then we all get a few months off before the baby showers begin in earnest. Damn my super-fertile friends! Think I'll double my dosage of the pill...
K just called - he many not even make it home tonight. I'd rather him crash at a friends then drive home drunk. Especially since they're up at BFE Kennessaw. I worry, though. Worry worry worry. That small voice of paranoia that lives deep inside me that bubbles up whenever someone I care about is in an unknown situation.
I know where it comes from. As far as I've come in recovery after the death of my brother, effects linger, and always will. That voice that whispers "it happened once, it can happen again" has been especially active since meeting K. The one black mark on the absolute joy of our relationship is that crippling fear that I will lose him tragically, in an accident or an illness - like my brother. I've become quite good at pushing those thoughts and feelings deep down and suppressing those fears. Until, of course, K goes drinking with the guys (most of whom I trust, one who I don't) in BFE, then calls and says he might not be home tonight...
Worry worry worry.
