Monday, September 05, 2005

ESC answers all your questions 

Yay! Lots of questions! Of course, I gave you until tuesday, so you can STILL ask away. But I couldn't resist answering the ones we've gotten so far.

So without further ado, I present the VERY FIRST "ask the evils!"

Serra asks:
What do I say to a man who's convinced that if he's caught having sex outside (yes, with me, do you really think I'd put up with him having sex with anyone ELSE? Hellz no!) his life won't be over? And that the chances of being caught are very small but just enough to add some spice?

OK, I asked Kev’s opinion on this. His suggestion: Without revealing your true plans, take him out for something like a casual picnic. Bring a nice big blanket. Make sure you go somewhere pretty isolated. Enjoy yourselves – have some wine, some good simple food, get him nice and relaxed. Then very casually but deliberately, make your move. Kev suggested the unzipping of the pants and blowjob. Hopefully any initial objections he has will soon be wiped away, along with any OTHER thoughts in his head. Hopefully, once he realizes that no lightening bolts have struck you down, and no one actually SAW you (OH MY GOD HOW TERRIBLE) his fears will melt away! Good luck!

Derek asks:
why does latex stink the way it does?

Latex starts out as a liquid. One of the components in liquid latex is ammonia. So yeah, latex stinks at first. But if you’re worried about that latex man-thong of yours stinking forever and turning off the Mrs, don’t Eventually, the ammonia will dissipate, and you can wear your man-thong with complete confidence!

Yoli asks:
Why are you a sex nazi?

I am a sex nazi because I like you. And since the doctor said you can’t have sex for a certain number of weeks after your procedure thingie…then…NO SEX FOR YOU! I don’t want anything to happen to my fun Yoli-girl! ;)

David asks:
Why in Hell isn't my RT-PCR working? My bloody boss wants to use RT-PCR to confirm 2 fold increases instead of Westerns--but I should still be able to occasionally detect something!

Ahhh…PCR. Fun! As all good scientists know, PCR is half voodoo, half blind luck. RT-PCR is mostly voodoo. I tried it a few times…and all I can say is….ACK! PCR in general sucks. What works one day will absolutely refuse to work the next. Do everything right and get nothing, do everything wrong, and amazingly it works! Next time, maybe try spitting in your tubes.

Liaps asks:
Seriously, you're gonna have sex on a quad in the woods?? I'm an admitted redneckophile, but damn, I'm jealous!

We actually ran out of time on this trip – it was tough to shake his mom! But yes, we have had sex on the back of an ATV in the middle of the woods, with several dogs watching before. And oh yes, it was hawt.

Just a Girl asks
Sex on a 4-wheeler. Fantastic.
Ever had sex on a Harley? It wobbles a lot because there's only 2 wheels.
Have fun girlie!

And, to follow Serra's question...What do you say to an officer when you ARE busted for...um...having relations in public?

Never had sex on a Harley, but as Kev is bound and determined to own a motorcycle again one day, I probably will. I’ll keep in mind the wobble thing though, thanks!

We have never been busted before, and I really have no idea what I’d do if we were. If it was a complete stranger? Probably nothing. A parent? Act innocent. A cop? Run like hell!

Cinnamon asks:
Newly returning to "dating". (Or at least I would be if I could meet someone. ) But to be prepared when I do....

With the general disclaimer that it's not a one-night act of sluttishness, they haven't met at an actual sex club durning an orgy, it's not a booty call, and he is a nice guy, etc. etc, and for arguements sake let's pretend that I am somwhat of a nice girl, and will wait until the "second" time to pull out the riding crop and handcuffs....... How long should a girl wait to have sex with a new guy she likes and wants? I've heard the first date is slutty, but waiting for a designated time period of say 2 months, when you both are feeling attracted, seems unnaturally arbitrary, so what's a good norm?

I would say that if it feels right, then it’s right. If all the passion and feeling is there right away, then go for it! If you have to worry about him thinking you’re slutty, then maybe he’s not the guy for you. Probably good to feel him out (figuratively!!!) ahead of time. An attempt to jump the bones of a strict Catholic who wants to wait until marriage might be…AWK-WARD!
As for me and Kev…well….have I ever blogged about our second date? It lasted almost 48 hours ;)

Sloth asks:
Just exactly how much do you adore me?

Muches and muches.

Julie asks:
So what are you gonna cook for me when I see you in TWO WEEKS?

No, seriously, how do you deal with political differences in a relationship?

I dunno…what do you like to eat?

Your second question is a little more difficult. The simple answer is: we don’t talk politics much. Neither one of us are huge political activists, so it’s not like we’re at each other’s throat 24 hours a day. We do agree on a lot of hot button issues, the really emotional ones that can really get people going. We’re both pro-choice, we both think people should be allowed to own guns (though I would like to have limits, while Kev doesn’t think so), etc, etc. I don’t think our relationship would survive if we disagreed on EVERYTHING. We do disagree on certain things, though, but we have enough respect for each other that it doesn’t really come between us. We have some really good conversations based on these differences. And we respect the other’s opinion, and realize that we’re never going to agree on EVERYTHING.
We do have a rule that all politics must stay OUT of the bedroom. And that’s including watching anything political on TV. Once I was giving Kev a handjob (yes, mutual masturbation is FUN! And good when you’re both horny and totally exhausted) while watching something on TV that was REALLY pissing me off. The angrier I got, the tighter my grip…until I had a stranglehold on…well…yeah. Kev wasn’t very happy. That’s when we made the no politics rule.

Seth asks:
Is there a preference between circumcised and uncircumcised? And why if there is.

I have been with both cut and uncut, and I can say that I have no real preference. Other people have brought up a “smegma” issue, but as long as the uncut guy keeps himself clean, there’s no difference. And there’s no difference in “feel” either, as far as I can tell. I can only speak for myself, though.

Kev is uncut. He thinks that he might be more sensitive down there because he is more “protected” (ie, not rubbing against his underwear all day). But he doesn’t really have anything to compare it to.

And yes, Kev keeps himself IMMACULATELY clean down there, and won’t let me get CLOSE if he feels that he is less than immaculate. Of course, I generally get the little nudge nudge of “hey, ummm..I just showered…just so you know…hehehe…”

Shannon asks:
Where do I find a guy who will indulge me in anal sex AND love me?

Ahh, the age old question…anal sex and love…

I have a difficult time believing that there are too many guys unwilling to indulge your fondness for anal sex. In fact, it seems that there are a LOT of guys who just never shut UP about it!
As for where to find love…well…I found love on the internet. I highly recommend it :)

Jennifer asks:
You're not married are you? Is marriage anywhere in the future?

What are you, my mother??? Hehehe…just kidding. No, we’re not married. Not engaged.


yes, it’s in the future. We’ve talked about it. We’ve looked at rings. Kev has PROMISED me that THIS is the year. But knowing him and his fondness for being difficult, he’ll propose on Dec 31 at 11:59pm. Don’t worry, blogland will probably know before my parents do when he pops the question!

anon asks:
how was your first time and when

oooo…yay! My first anonymous question! My first time….ugh. Well, I was a VERY late bloomer – 23! I originally felt that my first time should be “special” and with someone “I love.” And then I realized that that was a bunch of crap. I wanted to be able to date and have sex and not have this big “my first time” pressure hanging over my head.

At that time, I was friends/fooling around with a guy named Craig who was 10 years older than me. Craig was one of those people that could suck allll the joy out of a room very quickly. Seriously, he was very depressing. Think Richard Lewis, only more depressed and not funny. But I didn’t have many friends at the time (this was during my first year in Atlanta), and while it took some convincing (he felt that my first time should be “special,” too. Bah! FUCK MEEEE!

Well…we tried a few times. Craig had difficulties maintaining an erection. He was on Paxil Seriously, this was more than a naïve virgin like me should have to deal with. I was VERY frustrated. But eventually, he was able to make a performance.

My overall review? Quick. I hardly felt anything. And I wasn’t entirely sure he had actually done anything.

Still, could have been worse. And did I become a dating sexual machine afterwards? No…no..not really. It was 2 years before I had another chance.

Craig and I parted ways soon after our night of…whatever that was. I got tired of his joy-sucking. I posted all about it…somewhere on here. He was an ass, really.

Restless angel asks:
How exactly does someone who's kinda shy get back into the dating game?

I have said it before, and I’ll say it again: INTERNET DATING. There was no one more shy than I was when I decided I needed to get back into dating. You can check out guys (or girls) remotely, and they can check YOU out. There’s no pressure, there’s no worrying about hurting feelings. You can keep it to email or even phone conversations, before you would even consider meeting. I know my confidence got a little boost every time someone sent me a message, or responded to one of mine. And the price is generally right: around $20-25 a month. Cheaper than a night out at noisy smelly bars full of drunk people!

Vince asks:
Don't know if anyone's asked this already, but why mad science? I'm curious as to why you picked the profession you did. I know I picked chemistry because I didn't know any better. I was good at it, I just later found out I was better at being a computer geek.

I have always naturally leaned towards science. As a kid, I loved reading about dinosaurs, geology, gemology, physiology….whatever I could scrounge around for in my local library or find through exploring the Carnegie Museum.

I was LOUSY AT CHEMISTRY, though. Seriously, it was my worst subject. It was the one and ONLY time I ever got a D on a report card. God…I hate chemistry. *shudder* Of course, I hate physics worse. HA! Anyway, we did a big unit on genetics in AP biology my senior year in high school, and I was hooked. I found it fascinating. I felt that so many questions could be answered through studying those tiny mysterious double helices. And…most importantly, I was GOOD at it! I remember staring at a test I had gotten a “100% Excellent” on, and thinking…”this is it! This is what I want to do!” Corny, huh?

Sarah the Pengiun asks:
What's all the hoopla about butt sex?
Obviously I'm doing it wrong because I'd rather watch elephant porn.
Is there some book on how to have butt sex so that it feels good ?
Maybe it's just one of those personal prefrence things like coke and pepsi.

PS. How big is this 4-wheeler you are going to have sex on?
Is is a 4-wheeler that holds 2?

I think probably the world can be divided into two groups of people: those who enjoy anal sex, and those who don’t. If you do everything right: use plenty of lube, go slowly and remember to relaaaax, you have a partner who is gentle and understanding and who cares about your pleasure, and who you feel completely comfortable with…if you do all of that, and you STILL don’t enjoy it…well…maybe anal sex just isn’t for you. Don’t be upset. There are plenty of other orifices that are perfectly wonderful, and I don’t think anyone every lay on their deathbed wishing they’d enjoyed anal sex more.

The 4-wheeler in question was for one, technically, though we rigged it for both of us. The sex was more with me leaning over the back of it, and Kev behind me. So technically we weren’t ON TOP of the vehicle, but we probably would have fallen off and hurt ourselves, which definitely would NOT have been hawt.

Celti asks:
Hmmm...the only thing I can think of is this: What was Kev's reaction the first time you had one of those orgasms that made you cry? Did he freak out?

So for those of you who haven’t read any posts where I have referred to this, very rarely, I will have an orgasm that is SO INTENSE, that afterwards I am so overcome with emotion that I start crying. Big, choking, hysterical, loud sobbing. And yes, the first time it happened, Kev freaked out. It was after a very long session of “manual” stimulation, followed by sex, and he thought somehow he had hurt me. Even I was freaked out, because it was the first time it happened for me, too! In between sobs, I had to try to make it clear that it was a VERY GOOD kind of crying, and not the complete mental breakdown that it appeared to be.

Something like this: “*sob sob sob* no! *sob* I’m OK! *choking sob* *gasp* I’m fine! *sob gasp sob* I love you! *waaaahhhhhhhh!*

It’s still a rare event around here. Every time we think we’ve found the “formula,” it changes. But it’s very special when it happens.

Seth asks
What is glory hole etiquette?

Dude, I don’t KNOW! I suppose for the guy, just be clean. And for the girl, watch the teeth!